


One might be lonely but it can’t be disappointed

by Slytherclaw2005



Category: Zeroes Series - Scott Westerfeld
Genre: Angst, Ethan needs a hug, Pre-Zeroes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 12:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18468637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slytherclaw2005/pseuds/Slytherclaw2005
Summary: One day Ethan came to the conclusion that that’s all he was. A disappointment.Turns out that wasn’t be best day to figure that out.Here’s an angsty fic about what lead Ethan to tear the Zeroes apart.





	One might be lonely but it can’t be disappointed

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic ever. I love the Zeroes trilogy and Ethan but there’s only like 17 fanfics so here we go...

One is the loneliest number, that’s what some people say. It’s one of the few quotes Ethan actually remembered, I mean it’s not like he went around quoting random people to make a point. He wasn’t Nate….. or that guy. 

Ethan remembers when he was one. A normal dude with abilities that sometimes got too much. Truth is Ethan liked being one. When you’re alone there are no expectations, no one to disappoint. 

There was a time where Ethan had thought his power was pretty awesome, although then he hadn’t known what is was or that there were others like him. He would use the voice twenty-four-seven because even then he knew no matter how hard he tried the voice would always be better. Would never disappoint. It got to the point that his mom and Jess would looked shocked when Ethan did in fact use his normal voice. Disappointment. That’s what he thought. Because why do something when someone else, or something else, could do it far better than you. He’d hide out in his room a lot. Because in there there was no one for the voice to impress or for Ethan to disappoint. 

The voice may have thought one was the loneliest number but not Ethan. To Ethan one was the simplest number. And Ethan liked simple.

Ethan would of course use the voice in public. But then he would retreat into his mind, letting the voice take control of this throat but never his mind. Never his mind. In his mind Ethan was alone too. There it was quite. Rid of all the noise the outside world had.

Then the schizophrenic incident happened. And Ethan didn’t know how to feel. That the voice. That everything was inside his head. It was too much. He tried to be better. To not use the voice as much. But that only lead to disappointment. And Ethan hated disappointment.

When he got recruited for the Zeroes, although he doesn’t remember who or how that happened, he had hope. Hope that maybe there were other people like him. That he wouldn’t have to be a one anymore.

Yeah right.

The Zeroes didn’t make anything better. In fact they made it a whole lot worse. 

When he was with the Zeroes it started off as a relief. That he wasn’t alone. That there were other people like him. Turns out he was wrong again. 

Their powers were different. They worked well with people. None of them knew what it was like to be a one. No one was ever really disappointed in them. No one looked at them like they were stupid. Where he thought he could rid himself of the disappointment, instead he got too much of it. Far too much for him to handle.

After a few missions, where they had finally gotten a slightly better hold on their powers. The disappointment returned. Stronger than ever. 

Ethan quickly became aware that they hated his power. Found it selfish and weird. That they didn’t see him as one of them. 

Whenever he would use his power, they somehow knew and hated him for it. Disappointment growing on their face. Which was a surprise because no one hated the voice, except maybe Jess. When he would use his Ethan voice, they would get annoyed and snappish. Telling him to shut up or to stop being stupid. No matter what he said they hated home. So he said nothing. Retreating into his mind. Where he was one again. Because one was far better than whatever this was.

Turns out that wasn’t the best idea either. Especially when you have a attention-whore like Nate as a leader. 

Then began the “Ethan!” “Ethan this is important!” “Do you care?” “Hey Ethan what did I just say?!” “Stop being so stupid.” “ETHAN!” “ETHAN!”

Sometimes he would use the voice to respond, affirming them before they began to ignore him again, but before that they would send a look of disgust. Disappointment. Other times he wouldn’t respond. Disappointment there too.

One day Ethan came to the conclusion that that’s all he was. A disappointment.

Turns out that wasn’t be best day to figure that out.

It had started off like most Zeroes meetings did. Nate would go around with any updates, important information, then it would drift off into a “Here’s the next training mission” “Does anyone have any new information”. Ethan had been drifting off the entire meeting, before Nate started in about the next mission.

“The next mission will be at the Target this Friday at two. I think that works for everyone.” Target was one of the three hunting grounds the Zeroes used to pray on crowds. But that was enough to bring Ethan out of his head. 

“Friday? That doesn’t work for me…” Ethan’s sister was going back to base that day, before getting shipped out. His mom had wanted him to stay with them to wish her off. And of course Ethan had agreed, because well… it’s Jess.

Chizara of course couldn’t give any sympathy to his situation, “ Really Ethan? Can’t you miss your video games for one day? I think your pixies will be waiting for you.” 

That had pissed Ethan off. Because one: how dare she disrespect his video games. And two: what the hell gives her the right to judge him? She hated him the most out of all of them. And Ethan had to give her credit, it was probably hard to sit with the stick up her ass.

“It’s not- I’m not… my sister she’s go-“ 

Nate cut off his squeaky spiel with a“It’s fine Ethan I don’t need you to go anyways.”

That shocked Ethan. Because when had Glorious Dickhead ever not wanted all Zeroes in his presence?

“What, why?”

“You just aren’t needed.”

“What do you mean man? I thought you wanted to test out our powers or whatever?”

“Look Ethan it’s just…” Nate had glanced over at his not-girlfriend real quick before continuing the blow. The blow that would lead to the blow of all blows with perfect certainty, like he was reading the weather. “You aren’t like us Ethan. Your power’s twisted somehow. It hates crowds, and it doesn’t grow with the curve. It’s mean and small and selfish. You’ll never be a superhero. You’ll always be a Scam.” 

With each word Ethan’s heart dropped. He had always thought it but this was proof. That he was alone. That he would never fit in anywhere. That he was a disappointment. Towards the end Nate was just being mean. Mean! Ethan could normally handle the mean comments that went with him being his stupid self or using the voice. But Ethan hadn’t done anything to warrant this. It pissed him off!

He set the voice lose.

Ethan doesn’t know what the voice had said. He was too far into his mind to really think about it. His mind that was usually quiet and empty now was screeching. And all Ethan wanted was to hurt them as bad as the world had hurt him. 

When it was finally over all four of them, four of them? Were staring, various degrees of shock. Nate and Flicker look stone cold shocked. Chizara looked ready to kill. And as Ethan went to leave the room he saw a pale dude in the back. So shaken up he was frozen. As Ethan left the room he ran. 

Ethan passed Nate’s mom as he went to leave.   
Disappointed that he was making so much noise and leaving so abruptly.  
Ethan didn’t care. 

He was used to disappointment.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m open to writing more if you enjoyed. Leave constructive criticism or any ideas I could develop.


End file.
